I feel so weird saying this... like I might jinx myself... so I'm just going to whisper it in your ear: Mother's Day was surprisingly OK this year!
Sunday, that is.
Saturday was a little rough. I knew Mother's Day was coming, and I was dreading it. All day my stomach was upset and I felt on the verge of tears. After a few hours of lying on my couch, I finally forced myself to go to my friend Maria's housewarming party. Instinct told me that being around my friends would be an instant cure. It was. As soon as I arrived, a good giggle and a glass of sangria did the trick. The sad spell was broken.
Sunday started much better. I woke up happy and energized. The sun was shining, the birds were chirping, and I was ready for the day. This was a surprise -- especially since sometimes on Mother's Day, I literally don't want to get out of bed.
Mark and I were in the bagel line by 10:30AM (just in time to beat out the Brooklyn hipsters who sleep in!). As we walked to the subway, I told him that the weather being sunny always makes me happier on days like this. "The day my mom died and the next day at her funeral were both really sunny, beautiful days," I told him. "It makes me feel like the heavens are at peace."
We spent the next few hours on the apartment hunt. We're moving in together (yay!), and this was day 2 of the search. Between apartments, we visited our friend Melissa who's a first-time mommy celebrating Mother's Day. It felt so nice to celebrate a young mother. It reminded that the holiday is happy, too.
At 3PM, my brother picked us up and we drove to Long Island to spend the afternoon at my dad's girlfriend Susan's house. This time, I didn't care about wearing a dress or impressing everyone. I wore jeans and acted like myself -- and I had a great time. Susan and I had some really nice chats, I enjoyed talking to her two children who are in their 30s, and I even got a hug from her 1-year-old cutie-pie grandson, Cooper -- I'm smitten!
When I finally crashed into bed, I was totally wiped but content. It had been a good day, mostly because I finally understood that my life had to go this way. My mom had to pass. This is part of my story. And it shapes the path my life takes -- and I like my life! I used to long for a life with my mom in it again. But now, I long for the life I have, with all the people I might not have met and grown to love like Susan and Mark. I'm thankful, and I'm at peace.
What surprises you about your own story or life path? What turns has it taken that you didn't expect, but now you accept?
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Holy Mackerel
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For all my complaining about the lack of fresh ingredients in winter, you'd
think that by the time summer rolled around I'd be cooking incessantly. But
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Marisa, this post literally brought tears to my eyes!
ReplyDeleteI'm glad your day was peaceful - it sounds like visiting a new mom and an adorable baby were a great antidote for sad feelings.
Thank you for this post,
ReplyDeleteI went to church
with my mother
for the first time ever on Mother's Day,
except when I was a child.
In the middle of the service,
out of the blue,
you pop into my mind,
what it must be like for you.
So I sent thoughts,
prayers,
out in my own mind
that you would be at peace.
I am at such an odd side
of the table
where mine and your stories
near run parallel to each other,
except it's the opposite parent.
And yes it's hard
to read about the good times
you and your father have,
but it also reminds me
of the times I did have with my own father.
Yeah Yeah I know and Father's Day
is just around the corner,
but I am a few years
ahead of you in the greif process,
each day, week, month, and year does get better.
No I didn't want to believe
back then, but I stand firm now
to tell anyone who hurts
of the loss of a parent...
it does get better,
roll with the emotions,
dont ignore them,
just as you have done here
this Mother's Day Marisa,
what a brave woman you are
to continue on with your life,
looking for an apartment,
getting up for breakfast,
listening to the birds,
dress the way you feel comfortable,
being happy for your friend
and lastly making good
out of a not so good afternoon
with new family members...
you could have been a bitter person
who turned on your father
for even thinking of another woman...
I look up to you for this,
it tells alot about you,
about what kind of person you are,
not that I was doubting it,
but its an example for others.
And your mother would be proud of YOU!
and is!
Hugs....my friend!
Marisa, I came across your blog when I first read your guest blog at "Life with Cancer". I've always read, but don't always comment. The day my mom passed, August 2004, a Saturday, it was raining. So rainy days are hard. I always tell myself that my mom would want me to have a healthy happy life and that's how I get by day to day. Mother's Day, her birthday, Xmas, are all extremely hard days. I always try to spend it with family, doing something to keep busy, because I've noticed that if you stay home in a slump it makes it that much harder to get out of the slump. Take care of yourself! xo Glenda
ReplyDelete