In case you're wondering how wedding dress shopping went... well, as I find with most things related to grief, the anticipation is the worst part. So, after a week or so of nerves for my first excursion, the actual day was an assortment of feelings:
Excitement: My friends' enthusiasm cheered me throughout the day. They oohed, they ahhed, they welled up, they scrunched their noses at the ones we all knew were hideous. And even though our tastes are all different from one another, they kept in mind what I like and what will reflect my personality. I really appreciated that.
Confusion: The more dresses you try on, the more confused you get! Chiffon, lace, strapless, sweetheart, halter, a-line, ballgown... and those are only the terms I can remember. While I did find some good options, I don't know that I've found "the dress," so there will be more shopping ahead. Which leads me to...
Exhaustion: Blame it on a week of pre-dress anxiety, the art of speed-waking the streets of Manhattan to race to the next appointment, the physicality of stepping in and out of dress after dress, or the momentary feelings of loss, but all those things combined left me one tired lady. Phew.
Grief: While I didn't consciously think of my mom while trying on dresses, I'm beginning to think that inside every bride is a little girl who can't believe that's really her in the mirror. And in some ways, she needs her mother to verify that she's all grown up and ready for this big adventure--basically, to kick her out of the nest. I guess without her, I've been out of the nest for a while, but the sudden shift from child to adult can still be alarming at times. Especially when wearing a white gown.
So, next month will bring another round of shopping... any tips?
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