There's something I didn't mention in my last post, about why I haven't written much on Sally's Circle in the past few years.
The truth is, wedding planning without my mom was really hard. So hard that I couldn't even come here and tell it to you. An open wound I couldn't yet put words to.
Only later, after the wedding, when I could just experience the pure joy of finding a partner with whom to traverse this crazy, beautiful, sometimes painful life, did I begin to process the feelings of grief and loss that I carried between my engagement and wedding day.
So I wrote about it, through the lens of the crux of my misery: finding a wedding dress. And the amazing editors at xoJane.com said they'd publish it. And then their incredible community of women wrapped me in their arms with their 96+ comments. (I'm still trying to reply to each one, but in a thoughtful way, so please be patient.)
So here she is, in all her glory, my essay:
My Mom Died 10 Years Ago, But How Am I Supposed to Choose a Wedding Dress Without Her?
My Mom Died 10 Years Ago, But How Am I Supposed to Choose a Wedding Dress Without Her?
By Marisa Bardach Ramel
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A hipster salesgirl in Warby Parker glasses and red lipstick unzipped me out of the millionth wedding gown I’d tried on that weekend. Emerging from the dressing room in my jeans and flip-flops, I scrutinized my curly up-do in the faraway mirror -- the one meant for teary-eyed brides squealing that they’ve found The Dress.
Instead, I saw a scared little girl -- forever that 20-year-old who lost her mom -- masquerading as some sophisticated, almost-30 bride-to-be. Yeah, right. I wasn’t fooling anyone, least of all Laura, my maid-of-honor and best friend since 13, who studied my face expectantly. She liked so many dresses -- how could I feel so meh about them all?
The store’s door closed behind us with an annoyingly cheerful jingle. Outside in the summer sun, I inhaled New York City’s Sunday brunch scent of smoky bacon and exhaled out the entire experience. I was free -- for a moment.
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Hey sweet girl, I am just getting around to reading your essay about dress shopping. Knowing you (through blogger world) I cried like a baby towards the end of the essay when your friend asked if you were crying. I think it's naturally good for us to have those cries. I've been thinking a lot about you lately. Probably because I was in New York two weeks ago for my daughters graduation gift. I said in the back of my mind planning the trip I needed to meet up with you then things got crazy fast pace. Out trip was good. Before we left I was studying up on blogging more. Even must have popped in on Sally's Circle, but not reading the article yet but just the fact you didn't really know where Sally's Circle fit in anymore. So I've been thinking about that for a few days and wanted to encourage you to start blogging again just where you are right now. The simple everyday stuff. I truly believe and feel Sally's Circle will just be that "Sally'sCircle". Not ever post from here on out has to be about how you handle such and such with out her, grief ect. This could very well be a natural sign you are in the next stage ( iam not expert). I truly believe you have so much to offer blogging day to life and Sally's Circle could be that very place showing how far you have come. Because you have... and the blogging world has come so far. Happy Blogging sweet girl, I love ya! Maybe start by freshing things up, like a new profile picture, check to see how blogs are looking theses day (way simple looks). Let me know if you want or need any more suggestions but I think you'd be happy to step back in.
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